Life is tough and even the best of us struggle to be happy. It brings to mind the movie “The Pursuit of Happyness” with Will Smith. Our founding fathers never said we had a right to happiness just that we have a right to pursue happiness.
Do you pursue “Happyness”?
Many people don’t really understand that success and happiness are not one and the same. You can be successful and unhappy. You can be unsuccessful and happy. You can even be successful and happy if you are truly doing what you love to do. That is the true American Dream, being free to pursue what makes us happy. It’s what makes shows like American Idol so popular. We can watch as potential singers pursue their dreams or lose them, all from the comfort of our couches.
The common idea or the “American Dream” for the common man is to be able to work a stable job or substitute the word “Career”, own a home, have a family and then retire at 65. That dream is no longer reachable for many people today. Some Americans have gotten caught in the trap of the “Traditional” American Dream.
Career – I’ve never really considered stable jobs as happy jobs. Most are downright boring and will kill your creativity but they do pay the bills. I’ve made being happy and doing something morally right a priority over money. Of course most people go for the money because having that higher paying job will eventually lead to the opposite sex wanting to get to know you which could lead to…
Marraige – Will marraige really make you happy? With 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages ending in divorce, odds are marriage is not the way to finding happiness. Of course there is a 50/50 chance it could so if your in the position to marry your best friend, you must, but if you have any significant doubts, marraige is best left alone and certainly not something to be entered into lightly.
Homeownership – Yes, I can understand the pride that goes into owning a home. It is the ultimate status symbol that says to the world you have achieved the American Dream. Or have you? I come across too many people who are in upside down mortgages in homes that are essentially money pits. These homeowners might not ever get out from under that debt in their lifetime. A home is not an investment, never was and against all expert advice most people put all their eggs in one basket, their home, and continue to lose significant amounts of money.
Family – Some dream of having big families but the reality is that each kid you have today will cost, on average, $250,000. Here’s the baby calculator I use to get that number. Have four kids and you’ve just lost a million dollars. Every wonder why big families tend to struggle? That’s why. Big families could be bringing in big income and you would never know it because they have big expenses. Have too many kids and you could be losing your happiness as well as your retirement.
Retirement – (My Definition) the ability to be able to support yourself on your investment income without having to go back out and work, hopefully by the age of 65. This part of the American Dream is long gone. Many of us will have to work well into our 80’s to make ends meet. This begs the question, “If you have to work well into your 80’s will you physically be able to do what you are doing now? Do you even enjoy what you are doing now?”
I look around and wonder if many, if not most of generation X, has already lost in their pursuit of happiness. Many listened to their parents and followed the same tried and true unhappy pattern. Get your education, get stable job, get married, buy home, have kids… in that order.
For my generation the traditional American Dream has led to job losses, mandatory two income (sometimes 3 income) households, failed marriages, messed up kids and far too many lost dreams.
My only advice is just don’t do what everyone tells you to do. Don’t blindly take advice either, including mine. My best advice is to not follow the crowd. Step back, make a plan for life and plan on doing it alone. Your true family and friends will stand by you. You will lose the ones who only stayed around for other, less noble, reasons.
As for me… all I need is my iPhone and a laptop and I’m completely free, and mobile, to pursue my happiness ands share it with the entire world if their listening.
Are you free to pursue your dreams?
[Recovered from Wayback Machine on 2026-05-10] Original: http://daviddaniels.com:80/2010/04/sometimes-we-lose-our-dreams-of-happiness/ · view snapshot
David Daniels has been writing at DavidDaniels.com since 2001. Download the free life planning workbook, Write Open Act, to start mapping the gap for yourself.